Halloween is almost here! And we know a lot of your youngsters are BEGGING you to take them to conservative hero Kim Davis’ home for some candy but there’s some ground rules you need to know before getting delicious candy corn from Kim’s private stash! We’ve assembled them here for you:
- Make sure that your Trick or Treat’ers are in a boy/girl/boy/girl alignment so as not to offend the sanctimony of her porch.
- No flamboyant or costumes that suggest a lame stream media gay agenda like Bert and Ernie please.
- Make sure your special little Chewbacca is wearing space trousers over their furry legs.
- She will not give lollipops to boys.
- Do not be alarmed if Mike Huckabee answers the door.
- If Mike Huckabee does answer the door, that indicates that Kim Davis does not sanction your Halloween costume and you will receive a package of frozen corn.
- Do not be alarmed if you notice Ted Cruz dressed like a gimp in the kitchen when Huckabee opens the door. Ted Cruz’s safe word is ‘holocaust’.
- She will give candy to a boy dressed as Spongebob so long as he is not accompanied by a boy dressed as Patrick.
- White sheets are a welcome costume… for “ghosts”!
- Kim cannot guarantee the safety of children of any age dressed as Tinky-Winky from the Teletubbies.
- Any meeting with Kim Davis will be considered an endorsement of her and her views and shall be broadcast to the media as such.
Happy trick or treating! Let us know what kind of experience you had at Kim’s house in the comments below!