We Found a 1800’s Real Whole Food Smoothie Recipe, Turns Out It’s a MIRACLE CURE!

SALEM, MA – Our health editor, Belinda Hoffs and her family, are in the process of restoring an old mansion they bought in Salem, MA and she found an amazing smoothie recipe in the walls of the home while running new electrical to the second floor bathroom! We were so excited to make it when she brought the recipe to our test kitchen that we could hardly contain our joy and we’re delighted to share it with you! Before we tell you the results let’s go over the basic ingredients:

  1. Two apples, core and all, cut into wedges (GMO-free, please!)
  2. Half a kiwi (try to avoid imported from New Zealand, California ones are just as good and have a smaller carbon footprint)
  3. One medium banana (try a heirloom varietal like Cavendish)
  4. Toe of frog (do NOT substitute toad!)
  5. Two tablespoons of chia seeds (we buy our’s in bulk!)
  6. Adder’s fork (look in the root aisle of your local Whole Foods)
  7. tongue of dog (preferably a rescue dog, ‘natch!)
  8. Pint glass full of ice cubes (use a bottled mineral water for a nice background flavor)
  9. Blind-worm’s sting (a deaf worm will do in a pinch)
  10. Two fists of baby kale (organic, duh!)
  11. Howlet’s wing (we tried both and prefer the left wing)
  12. One half cup of yogurt (whole milk Greek is the best, yum!)
  13. Teaspoon of ginger root (skin and all)
  14. Eye of newt (cannot be substituted, sorry!)

Fresh-mango-smoothie_01Put all the ingredients into a cast iron cauldron and boil for 10 hours while occasionally stirring while chanting “bubble, bubble, boil and trouble” or if time is an issue put all the ingredients into a Ninja blender and pulse for 30 seconds and say it just once (we know you’re busy). Belinda found that her kids could simply NOT get enough of this miracle potion and that their ADHD, autism, sass-talk, cancer, pimples and gas were all gone overnight! She also said that miraculously ALL of her enemies started disappearing, her home became immaculate as she found herself drawn to brooms nearly 24/7 and she even picked up a paint brush and started making gorgeous watercolor paintings of children being cooked with delicious, nutritious, non-GMO organic root vegetables in giant ovens. AMAZING!

Tell us what miracles this smoothie has done for you and your family in the comments below!

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