WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Obama took to the White House Rose Garden this afternoon to announce that he plans to work with Congressional Republicans and Democrats on a new Holiday aimed at the American lower-middle class and the impoverished who find themselves going a full calendar year without an actual day off including Thanksgiving and Christmas thanks to the slow creep of Black Friday.
Obama addressed the gathered press corps:
“Too many folks find themselves working retail or service jobs on days that were originally meant for family, rest and reflection, this new Holiday looks to make that promise right again. I believe this bill can pass both houses with bipartisan support; Democrats will be on board from day one as labor leaders have long been requesting some kind of relief – either by way of a law forcing all non-essential workplaces to be closed on certain Holidays or a fresh, new holiday that hasn’t been contaminated by commercialization. Now, I also believe Republicans will be quick to get on board because this new holiday will be fresh meat and ripe for some kind of commercial exploitation by Madison avenue. I imagine furniture or automotive stores would be quick to adopt sales requiring full staffing and retail would follow soon thereafter. This new Holiday would be a boost to our slowly growing economy and nothing is more important than money in America. Nothing. Nadda. Zilch.
Basically what I’m saying is if you’re a working stiff, you’re fucked either way but you know what they say ‘it’s the thought that counts.”