DETROIT, MI – Americans have a love/hate relationship with retail stores that are open on beloved Holidays. They love the convenience, and often the savings, that are generally associated with stores that are open on holidays but they feel guilt or anger that the employees of the stores are sacrificing their own family time. Well, another popular American holiday is being defended by way of boycott – Halloween. Clergy for the Satanic Church are encouraging their members, as well as “any decent American who believes in the family traditions associated with dressing children up like the undead and going door to door to extort your neighbors with the threat of a trick in exchange for a handful of sugary foodstuffs.”
Those were the words of Anton Levy, Jr. the treasurer of the Satanic Temple who ads “Halloween should be as sacred as Easter, Christmas or New Years – all holidays with pagan origins thousands of years old, certainly older than any American president or Columbus. As is the tradition of threatening the weak to fleece their pockets of what rightfully belongs to the strong. Every American should be home so a child may experience the joy of pounding on the door of a limp-wristed neighbor and strong-arming them out of petty cash or penny candies.”
As of press time no stores had announced they will comply with the Church’s threat.