LEAK: Paul Ryan Losing Steam, GOP Considers Nominating Gonorrhea

tumblr_ma41f8ZYET1rpy89iWASHINGTON D.C. – As the nation’s Republican leaders ponder whether to support Paul Ryan for Speaker of the House, some are left wondering, “Would gonorrhea be a better choice at this time?” A concerned group of Republicans sat in a cramped office and wondered aloud if the burning while urinating and the greenish yellow discharge would be worth it. “Look, having Paul Ryan as Speaker of the House comes with its own challenges and he has his demands about family time, but I’m just saying, let’s give the clap a fair shot. People are really in love with political outsiders right now and the clap doesn’t care about family, it just seems to come and go as it pleases.”, said Mick Mulvaney of South Carolina. He argues that the venerable venereal disease also has better name recognition. As dissension in the ranks is growing, Thomas Massie of Kentucky was overheard saying, “Let’s not forget about an all weekend drug bender with syphilis, after all it’s just done wonders for Lamar Odom’s marriage.”

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