LANCASTER, PA – After the closing squeaky horns of Clownfest 2015 sounded in September, the nation’s pest control exterminators realized that rats and mice aren’t so bad after all. Terminix and Orkin representatives declared biological war on clowns during their annual summit in New York City. “After watching pizza rat struggling to feed his family on the hardscrabble pavement of a New York City subway, we realized that maybe mice and rats aren’t so bad so we wondered ‘what could be worse?’ clowns are worse.”, Terminix representative Thomas Dooley said.
Organized clown hunts are diminishing in popularity ever since Roger the Banker killed Snuggles the Clown at a park birthday party several weeks ago. You may recall that Roger lured Snuggles into a hot air balloon with the promise of a sad child who needed the folksy brand of humor that only a clown can give, released the ballast and once the clown had reached 2,000 feet, Roger launched a shoulder fired rocket into the basket, igniting the clown who made an exaggerated comical surprised face before impact. The gofundme.com page for Snuggles received an epic commitment of balloons shaped like animals but no monetary donations whatsoever.
“With the clown hunts winding down, we the exterminator industry must pick up the slack!”, shouted an excited member of the Orkin panel.