Lamar Odom’s Doctors Warn Public “Do Not Try to Keep Up with Any Kardashians”

kardashianRENO, NV – Lamar Odom, troubled retired NBA champion and former reality TV star, continues to fight for his life after he passed out at a brothel outside Reno, NV doctors for Odom said in a press conference updating the media on his condition. “Lamar’s organs continue to show no sign of improvement and his overall condition is day to day. We are doing everything we can for him and will keep you up to date on his progress.” 

However, a Dr. Epelady wanted to further address the gathered media and use the opportunity as a soapbox to warn others who may be endangering their health.

“We understand that many young, impressionable Americans may be drawn into the vacuum that surrounds these Kardashians like Lamar was. Their world can seem glamorous but they are not like us, they are the unholy hellspawn of a Satanic succubus and a soulless defense lawyer and no human could ever truly keep up with their evil ways let alone defend their soul against their witchery and deception.

Beneath that thin veneer of wealth and beauty lies a house of sin run by an evil harpy, a woman so consumed by fame and adoration that she would sexualize the flesh of her underage daughters, she would sell a pornographic film of another daughter and she would lay beside and mate with one of the jackals who would later get OJ Simpson acquitted of a cold blooded double murder.

These are not nice people. These are not even people, they are vapid empty, brainless vessels filled with nothing but the attention and fame they run to. They have no conscience and will do anything to feed their addiction. To fall prey to them is to be boiled alive in their cauldron and made into attention-whore stew, nothing more than temporary sustenance to satiate the perpetually hungry maw of reality show producer Ryan Seacrest, the mastermind behind their primary source of income and fame.”

Experts suggest giving up any media that involves the Kardashians without delay… cold turkey. If you are having trouble please seek out the help of a substance abuse professional before you find yourself in a situation like Lamar’s.


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