D.C. – The Vatican clarified some of the confusion about the meeting between Pope Francis and Kim Davis by explaining on Friday that the Pope’s itinerary the day of the infamous meeting was jam packed and the Holy Father barely had time to grab a bite to eat between meetings and resorted to a street food favorite for nourishment on the go. The famished pontiff scarfed down a tasty burrito with guac from Pedro & Vinny’s Burrito Cart on K Street moments before his accidental meeting with Kim Davis. Pope Francis tried to excuse himself as the burrito was coming back for round two but Kim blocked his path to the restroom. Pope Francis muttered indiscriminately “I need to evacuate the lower Vatican if you know what I mean, stay strong”, to no one in particular before barreling past Davis with a hand over his mouth.
Pope Francis could be heard from the bathroom muttering “Please pray for me” several times during his ordeal, a phrase many during his visit would mistake for a spiritual request, not the internal digestive battle it really was about. Pope Francis emerged about 30 minutes later and began destroying his second burrito. Per his translator he was quoted as saying “Nom Nom Nom”.