WASHINGTON – Rep. Jason Chaffetz went from triumphant to flustered when he presented bold and damning statistics on the House floor to Planned Parenthood’s CEO Cecile Richards during her testimony before a House Oversight Committee. Richard’s lawyers examined the numbers Chaffetz presented while he was grilling Richards and found they were in fact not from PP’s corporate report as he claimed but were doctored by pro-life fringe group Americans United for Life. Richards got word from her legal team and quickly shot down the representative’s whole argument in short order; he responded by immediately turning off his mic and practically running from the hearing with his tail between his legs.
However, Rep. Chaffetz is back today, this time with photographic evidence of what his intelligence reports claims is the “Planned Parenthood Long Distance Termination Drone.” The drone looks to be a repurposed military attack drone with modifications that allow it to launch from PP’s HQ in D.C. to anywhere in the contiguous United States and deliver it’s payload which will prevent the delivery of a baby. After the procedure the drone lands, loads the aborted fetus, swaddled in a pink or blue blankie, and hauls it back to Planned Parenthood’s chop shop for sale to research facilities or mad scientists, whomever is the highest bidder.
Even more troubling to the GOP lawmaker is the drone’s “Drone the Vote” mode which allows it to land in poor and minority districts where polling locations are poorly staffed or strategically shut down entirely and enter “freedom mode.” This transforms the weapon into a make shift polling place and gives voters who are undesirable to GOP candidates a chance to exercise their regrettable but Constitutionally protected rights.