Inspired by Pope’s Speech Speaker Boehner to Quit Politics, Become Lobbyist for Coal

Boehner-Cry-Face

Speaker Boehner, seen here with the Pope, does his best Droopy the Dog face to amuse the Holy Father.

WASHINGTON D.C. – John Boehner (Republican of Ohio) made a promise to his mother that if elected speaker he would work to get the Pope to speak before congress and he would invite her to the historical address. Speaker Boehner fufilled his promise but unfortunately his mother did not live long enough to see her baby boy moved to tears as the popular Pontiff pontificated before a joint session of congress, a portion of the Supreme Court and a non-prime time audience of the American populace. 

Today, Boehner shocked the beltway when he announced that on October 30th he would resign his post as Speaker of the House of Representatives and retire from Congress. Aides say that Boehner wanted to leave on a high note, the Papal visit, and begin a second act… a life of sacrifice as a lobbyist for some of the most powerful coal and fracking companies.

“As a devot Catholic Pope Francis’ insistence that climate change is man made has inspired me to do what Jesus would do – fight for the little guy. The little guy, now that the entire Church and the Pope are against them, is the fossil fuel industry. I worry that they will struggle to survive under the mighty winds of change generated by Pope Francis’ powerful speech. I hope that Catholics around the world will pray for me as I go into the private sector and make millions of dollars trying to undermine the will of the Holy Father.”

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