Shrewd Pharma CEO Raises Prices on Life Saving Drug to Kill Off Customer Base

cbs_ctm_turing_150922a-2-800x430Martin Shkreli, CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals and uncanny Nathan Thurm lookalike, has raised the price of the cancer and AIDS fighting drug Daraprim from $13.50 to $750. “I could see how it looks greedy,” Shkreli admitted to CBS news. “But I think there’s a lot of altruistic properties to it. For instance, who wants to look at ugly, poor people with AIDS or cancer? They’re all emaciated and depressed looking. Having them lingering around, waiting to die is a serious bummer to us healthy people trying to go about our healthy day. This move will systematically price those undesirables out of the ‘living’ market and into the more appropriate for their tax bracket ‘body bag’ market. It’s a win for my eyeballs and for the funeral industry! Win-win!”

“We also think it’s a winning business strategy. This will make our product more exclusive. You see with each preventible, premature death from our poverty prone pool of potential consumers we take one step closer from being the WalMart of health care to the Neiman Marcus of health care. Our surviving customers will start to feel like they’re part of an exclusive club that only the most important people, measured by their personal wealth, are privy to. They will feel their affliction is a privilege and their fortunate bodies are hosting a very selective, important virus. Our marketing team will tell you… Branding and narrative are as important as life and death itself and you can’t put a price on that. Even a human price.”

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