DENALI NATIONAL PARK – We are getting reports that a group of Young Republicans on a mountain climbing expedition have shot their rescue flares. The flares were seen coming from a position near the summit of the former Mt. McKinley. It would seem that the climbers, who rely on sophisticated, up to the second GPS position hardware for their climbs, are panicing after Mt. McKinley vanished from their devices.
They are apparently well aware that President Obama has decided to change the name from Mt. McKinley to the native “Denali” and that the change is simply an update and they are, indeed on the same mountain they started on, but they object to the president and his policy. They currently say they simply refuse to acknowledge the president’s order.
“King Obama can sit on his oval throne looking down from up on high and wave his magic gavel while claiming his royal decrees are constitutional but that doesn’t mean that he’s MY president. Well, technically he is since I’m an American citizen but… you know what I mean.” said Rion Smithfield, a 24 year old investment banker from New Jersey, over a radio from his “unknown” position on the mountain.
At press time park rangers had established a visual on the camp and report the campers appear to be healthy and pouty. Rescue teams are currently en route.