Dear <Sir, Madam or Gender Fluid American>,
As you well know <candidate> is campaigning for <political_office> and would like to come to your <city/town/landfill> to <pander_to_your_concerns> and sample some your town’s famous old fashioned <shitty_regional_food>. Recently <candidate> made stops in <hellhole#1> and <hellhole#2> and would love to stop in your <hellhole#3> and meet and greet with <whomever_shows_up_on_a_weekday_at_2PM>.
Unfortunately <candidate> will not be taking questions from Oath Keepers, Jade Helm nuts, 9/11 Truthers, Anti-Vaxers, Westboro Baptist Church or <insert_fucked_up_belief_here> at this time. <candidate> will also not be taking questions about their <sexual_scandal> or <leaked_hidden_camera_footage>.
We look forward to seeing you and may <local_deity> Bless America!