Campaign Manager Mistakenly Releases Form Letter for Campaign Stops Nationwide

A patriotic member of the crowd waves an American flag as the U.S. Marine Corps band plays a song during the Veteran's Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery, Nov. 11, 2006.  Defense Dept. photo by Cherie A. Thurlby

A patriotic member of the crowd waves an American flag as the U.S. Marine Corps band plays a song during the Veteran’s Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery, Nov. 11, 2006. Defense Dept. photo by Cherie A. Thurlby

Dear <Sir, Madam or Gender Fluid American>,

As you well know <candidate> is campaigning for <political_office> and would like to come to your <city/town/landfill> to <pander_to_your_concerns> and sample some your town’s famous old fashioned <shitty_regional_food>. Recently <candidate> made stops in <hellhole#1> and <hellhole#2> and would love to stop in your <hellhole#3> and meet and greet with <whomever_shows_up_on_a_weekday_at_2PM>.

Unfortunately <candidate> will not be taking questions from Oath Keepers, Jade Helm nuts, 9/11 Truthers, Anti-Vaxers, Westboro Baptist Church or <insert_fucked_up_belief_here> at this time. <candidate> will also not be taking questions about their <sexual_scandal> or <leaked_hidden_camera_footage>.

We look forward to seeing you and may <local_deity> Bless America!

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