eHarmony’s 75%-Off Groupon Guarentees Love for About 25% of Buyer’s Remaining Years

Sunset_Couple_(57406695)

This couple will be divorced before the sun sets.

eHarmony, the #1 online dating website site launched a seasonal promotion on Groupon offering their match making services for 75% off for new members.  Neil Clark Warren, CEO of the #1 dating website, said in a press release that his company would be teaming up with Groupon for a promotion that runs through the Christmas season.

“Many millennials are looking to settle down but are also finding that the decisions they made a few years ago are not resonating with them now. They see past pictures of themselves unkempt, unwashed, wearing knit hats in summer and wonder how they thought those fashion choices would age well. They finesse their way into the skinny jeans they took so long breaking in and are beginning to feel uncomfortable in their own hipster skin. They try and hide their tattoos of chef knives, yarn and knitting supplies during job interviews and wonder ‘good gravy, what in the dickens was I thinking?” Warren said in the release.

“This promotion eases those fears. You go in knowing this will just be an everlasting-ish love. There’s less pressure. You can have a date for Thanksgiving and Christmas and be out of your love lease by Memorial Day. No harm, no foul.”

eHarmony also announced that it will be temporarily changing it’s theme song from “Everlasting Love” by Natalie Cole to “Love the One You’re With” by Stephen Stills.

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