MINNESOTA – Arrangements are being made for the remains of Zimbabwe’s beloved icon, Cecil the lion. You may remember Cecil was lured from his protected reserve and illegally hunted as a vanity trophy for a Minnesota dentist suffering from hair loss, erectile dysfunction and a midlife crisis that apparently can only be eased by killing rare, exotic and endangered animals. You may ask “but does he eat these animals? Perhaps he was in mortal danger and he had to kill these animals.” The answer is no, he is a coward and all he does is pose with the beautiful beasts, skin them and like the little twerp that he is, he goes back to his comfortable dentistry office where no one is waiting behind his chair to kill him just because he’s such a rare and unique piece of shit.
There is some good news, a charity has arranged to capture Walter Palmer, DDS, tie him to a chair force his eyes open as they scatter the charred remains across his eyeballs as we can only assume were Cecil’s families wishes.