Back to School Recall: IKEA Beds Pose Injury Risk to Children During Dorm Room Menage a Trois

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LEIDEN, NETHERLANDS – Ikea, the largest furniture company in the world, has issued a recall of several Flutenbrrrg beds after the Consumer Product Safety Comission released a study showing that they have been responsible for injuries in dozens of fairly common collegiate threesomes.

“Let’s face it, during their first year away from home your kids are going to have some pretty wild, clumsy sex. Parents need to know that while their pudgy son or daughter is getting it coming and going that their filmsy IKEA bed could collapse and they could sprain a boner or something.” warned Dr. Warren Dublegee who studies furniture safety for the CPSC.

IKEA for it’s part recognizes the severe risk to vulnerable, heavyset, horny college kids and are offering a kit to reenforce the bed or a store credit for a more hardy bed, capable of standing up to the punishing, completely normal, kinky, three way sexcapades your adult child will no doubt be having as soon as they escape your influence for even a second.

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One response to “Back to School Recall: IKEA Beds Pose Injury Risk to Children During Dorm Room Menage a Trois

  1. Pingback: The Week That Wasn’t – 8-2-2015 | This Should Be The News·

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