Angry White Guy: “I Keep Losing My Keys Thanks to Obama and Sharpton Won’t Help Me Find Them”

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PORTLAND, MAINE – Derrick Drummond, an area Tea Party organizer, has once again taken to email and Facebook to vent his frustrations about the Obama administration. This time the anger is personal as he believes the 44th American President is solely responsible for misplacing his car keys. Drummond thinks the POTUS’ motive to hide his keys would be his rather polarizing key chain that depicts the President as a monkey with a clown nose waiving a Nazi flag. “I admit the key chain is a little over the top but I think it highlights some important points” the key-less Drummond told us.

“What really gets my goat is that race baiter Al Sharpton. That guy is the worst. I’ll bet if I was black he would help me find my keys. It’s like he’s always got to make race an issue. If he wasn’t such a racist I bet he’d be over here on hands and knees helping me look under the couch or calling a press conference to get some attention on the issue of my keys but no, he’s putting as much effort into getting to the bottom of this as he did Benghazi.” Drummond paused “wait, hold on, I think I found them. Yep. Here they are, right here in my pocket. No thanks to Obama!”

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One response to “Angry White Guy: “I Keep Losing My Keys Thanks to Obama and Sharpton Won’t Help Me Find Them”

  1. Pingback: The Week That Wasn’t – 8-2-2015 | This Should Be The News·

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