Obama Executive Order: “All Bearded Hipsters Must Change Name to Steve”


WASHINGTON D.C. – Objectively President Obama has been a mad tyrant, flush with self appointed power and Kenyan rage as of late. He has passed constitution shattering executive order after executive order across our previously perfect nation like he were Genghis Khan running roughshod over Asia Minor. Now the “president” has passed another of his overreaching Hitleresque decrees – all male, white hipsters with beards will now be referred to simply as Steve since per the POTUS “I can’t remember which one of these millions of bearded hipsters is which. Is this the rich white kid from Brooklyn who builds bicycles from recycled cookbooks? Is this  the musician who makes ukulele strings out of the recycled elastic bands of ladies’ bloomers? Or maybe this is the one who runs Hemingway’s Barber Shop and Man Scaping where he cuts hair with Mariel Hemingway’s antique letter opener? I can’t keep track!”

Speaker of the House John Boehner has promised to make a bunch of blustery appearances on Sunday morning talk shows denouncing the overreach before going back to not giving a shit and playing golf.


One response to “Obama Executive Order: “All Bearded Hipsters Must Change Name to Steve”

  1. Pingback: The Week That Wasn’t – July 26th 2015 | This Should Be The News·

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