CRIME ALERT: Vandals Breaking Into Homes of Passed Out Drunkards and Scattering Fast Food Debris

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EVERYWHERE, USA – Gangs of vandals are creating quite the physical and psychological mess for good citizens who happen to overindulge. The M.O. for these uncouth vagrants is to break into the homes of passed out homeowners, physically moving them to an uncomfortable chair, couch or, in an especially dastardly instance, onto a cold hard floor and then scattering various fast food waste about their persons. The victim wakes up believing they’ve gone to a Taco Bell or White Castle and binge ate like common trailer trash.

We caught up with Sterling Heights, MI detective Jay Gernsey who said “This is an especially evil crime since it preys upon many of our worst fears and invades our personal space, our sense of self worth and it seems in some instances these cruel criminals are actually force feeding this high calorie, sodium packed garbage right down the gullets of their gimped victim against their will and the will of their nutritionists.”

This Should Be The News will be following this story this weekend and staff will be writing off all their drinks in an attempt to lure one of these criminals.

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One response to “CRIME ALERT: Vandals Breaking Into Homes of Passed Out Drunkards and Scattering Fast Food Debris

  1. Pingback: The Week That Wasn’t – July 26th 2015 | This Should Be The News·

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