THIS SHOULD BE THE NEWS HQ –
I’m, I mean, a friend of mine, I mean friend of ours, is worried that after the high profile hack of a popular website that helps facilitate affairs between consenting married men and women his identity will be leaked and expose him as single. Healthy people may ask “what’s wrong with being single on a dating site?” However, frequenters of Ashley Madison know that there’s nothing more embarrassing than being a single loser on a site full of unhappily married whore mongers.
“Ashley Madison has assured all it’s married users that it’s working day and night to both contain the data that was leaked and to prosecute the hackers but have said nothing about the really sleazy dudes like me who are living a lie as a married man who is just seeking an affair with an unhappily married woman who thinks I’m unhappily married on an affair based website.” said Jerry McGuffman, a pseudonym we created for our anonymous tipster.
We tried to reach Ashley Madison for comment but got distracted by a Dolly Madison prepackaged snack food and forgot all about this idiot.