Pasty White Male Arrested for Failing to Notify FAA He Was Going to Do Shirtless Yard Work


DETROIT – A pudgy, pasty skinned Detroit area man was arrested on Saturday, July 11th for failing to notify the Federal Airline Administration that he intended to expose his ghostly white flesh on a sunny day while using his weed whacker around the yard, creating a hazard for any pilots traveling in the airspace above his home.

Federal law requires any citizen whose ghastly flesh could be weaponized against anyone trying to navigate air, sea or land to seek permission before exposing more than 25% of his naked body so air traffic control can calculate new routes around this individual during peek “ewwww” periods.

The man’s identity has been kept secret while authorities decide if they are going to charge him as a terrorist.


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